Goa - Happy hours

Day 1 in Goa was like eating Rajma Chaval at IIM L mess. Its a dish I love but coz its not cooked right, its just not fun enough. For the gastronomically un-inclined, it was like going out with a chick dressed in a micro mini skirt who loves watching "K" serials. Her favourite character - Ba! Meaning - you see the possibilities but you also know - it ain't happening. Damn you Ekta!!

Would Day 2 also turn out to be a whimper. Lets see....

Signed off here last night. The four of us slept but when we woke up - there were only three of us. My guess is that my headache got a headache coz of all the snoring the "snoring asses" were doing and decided to dump us. Well, good for everyone.

It was a glorious day - sitting outside our room we were enjoying our chai. We planned extensively for the day. Plan summary - Balls to yesterday. After sufficient 'free breakfast' gorging and extensive sunscreen thoping - we were off. Our first stop - not the beach, not watersports, not some shack but the market. Turns out the "snoring asses" were also "forgetful asses" and had forgotten slippers. In their defence, they remembered to carry the laptop!!! Moral of the story - when you go to a beach, cappy laptop.

After slipper and fake sunglasses shopping, we reached Baga beach where we plopped ourselves onto well shaded beds. Err, correction - snoring asses (henceforth SA's) plopped themselves and yours truly was haggling with the watersports ppl. Much unsuccessful haggling happened and our agenda was banana ride, escorted scooter ride and parasailing.

The shirts came off (hunks out in full glory), the water jackets went on and the studs were all "suited up". Banana ride is aptly named - literally and figuratively. Literally, coz you sit on a banana shaped tube and are ridden into the mighty turbulent seas (for non-swimmers like me - read 50 mts from the shore). Figuratively, coz before you can say "abe, kya boring hai", the boat is manouvered in such a way that the banana over turns, you are thrown into the saltier-than-salt and dirtier-than-dirt water, clinging on to Tushi's jacket and shorts for back up. I did not care if tushi's shorts came off and I will be subjected to a bigger horror than drowning. At that moment, all I could mouth was "abe, mujhe swimming nahin aati" and clung on to the first thing in sight (read tushi's shorts).

Scooter ride was fun - the rider acting fancy, the waves acting wavy and we acting scared. Para-sailing - aaah. Its like kite flying. Just that you ARE the kite and someone else is flying. Ofcourse, you pay handsomely to be flown. All frills in Goa come with a price tag. Here the frill was a "dip". You are high in the air - enjoying the view and the boat's speed is reduced and you start descending into the sea. Just when, you hit the water - the speed is increased and you start ascending again.

A diversion here. While I was on the boat, waiting for my turn and couple was also aboard. The husband took the "dip" but when his wife's turn came he asked her not to take it, lest there are sharks in the water. Everyone on the boat including me made fun of him. I mean, dude!! sharks so close to the shore.. Grow up and all that.

Back to my parasailing, when my dip went on for longer than average, when I was in water and my parachute was starting to get deflated, when I started feeling that it might not ascend again - the shark thing came to my mind. And, believe me - it was'nt fun.

Anyways - all the water sports got the adrenaline going. The shirts came off for good and our hunk hood was on full display. This day was so much better and goa was so much fun. from Baga, we drove to Anjuna - the firang and hopefully "topless" beach. The drive was short but fun. We were finally getting into the Goan mood.

Reached Anjuna. While we were walking through the local bazaar, forget women - even the men were covered up here. Suddenly we started feeling a lil ahem.. naked. So much so, that we started counting the ppl appropriately dressed for the beach (read: topless). Soon, the number became respectable and we felt man enough to take off even our shorts. Okay, the last line is an exaggeration. A walk on the beach, frolicking in the water and a sumptous lunch.

Life was good. Could we settle down here, please!! I like the sun and sand and breeze and locals and beer and idea of not wearing too many clothes. It was truly blissful. Little did I know - it was going to get better. On the walk back from Anjuna, the real Tushi came fore and wanted to run on the beach. I did too!! and beat his pants err shorts off.

Next on list was the prime time item. The "Dil chahta hai" fort. Passing through narrow roads, passing by firangs on Enfields, chai khokhas, quaint local dwellings - we reached the place and trekked up. We reached the wall where Sid, Akash and Sameer (read Akshay, Aamir and Saif) philosophised about life. The view from there was truly spectacular. See here. Pictures just cannot capture the beauty here.

At this majestic view, smoochy says "A beer here would be perfect". A vendor with 3 chilled beer cans for the 3 of us appeared miraculously. We savoured the beer, enacted the DCH scene and captured it on video. (if that video gets out, I tell you - the three of us will be deported). Sharing the ledge with a bunch of 10-12 shaven heads we enjoyed the breeze, the view and the beautiful sunset. It was for me, the moment of the trip.

Satiated, we drove back to the hotel. Enjoyed a dip in the pool, freshened up and headed out to Britto's. Britto's is a dimly lit restaurant right next to the beach with small handicraft shops around it. Just to my taste. Sadly, the food was'nt. Not their fault really. The place is known for sea food and I am a veggie. The SA's duly gorged and made merry.

Stuffed, we headed out and were ready to hit the hip party circuit. First, we went to Club Cabana (CC)- the most happening place in town. The entry to the compound of CC is scarier than Frankenstein's house. We rolled up the windows, locked the doors, said a prayer and drove in. Turns out, the place had been sealed due to use of banned substances (read grass et al) and is shut till further notice. Desolate, we tried other places. Out "stag" status caught up with us again.

After a while of driving, waiting, hankering, group approaching, we found ourselves inside Paradiso. To enter, along with the entry fee, we had to pay "stag tax". However, it did not matter coz the daaru was unlimited, babes were drunk, music was good and the setting of the club was awesome (its located at the ledge of a cliff). The three of us got happy and drunk and danced till the wee hours of the morning. (smoochy - thanks for insisting that we do it!!)

Got back at 5 AM to our hotel and crashed. It had been a long, eventful, tiring and amazingly satisfying day.

The next day we did nothing. But that was exactly how we wanted to spend the day. I had activity oriented plans of flying a kite, mobilising a volleyball team but they never took off. Thank god!! Went to Candolin beach, just walked around, lounged in a shack, played a couple of racks of pool and had lunch atop a shack. It was easily one of the most enjoyable lunches I have ever had. And it was not because of the food. The ingredients to that lunch were good pals, a terrific view of sun sea sand, talk about the most arbit of things and the waiter asking me "Sir, aap kisi serial mein kaam karte hain" (albeit, in a different shack) . Perfect end to a perfect trip.

I realise I have run out of superlative adjectives for the trip so I should end the post.

I also realise that the post is long. But that is exactly how I wanted it. Capture all details. Cheers.

PS: Tushi, Mazaa aaya kya?!

Ghoom ke aaya GOA, mera naam Rocky Balboa!!

The title of the post has no hidden meanings, no double entendres, no subtle under text - its plain and simple arbit. So was the trip arbit too.. Lemme see...

Goa of my imaginations stood for sandy beaches with topless sunbathing women. The beaches are sandy all right but the top less women were all covered up. Sigh!!!

Goa for me stood for overload of daaru at the rave parties happening at the beaches. Overload of alcohol happened of course (overload of a lot of things happened) but the rave parties have moved from beaches of goa to somewhere I dont know about.

Goa to me was the country of hajjar pubs and discs with all night partying. The pubs are there al right but their doors are closed for stags like me. (they dont know what they missed!!)

With all the buts - did I have any fun.

But of course.

The trip seemed like jinxed right from the start.

To begin with, just when I was starting to get ready to go to the airport - I got a message tha my flight was delayed by 5 hours. Being a loyal Air deccan frequent flyer, I was aware of all their schemes and knew that this was'nt the whole truth. I knew instinctively, that there will be more delays after this. So, I immediately got on the phone with the Deccan airport manager. I cribbed, I cried, I shouted, , I reasoned, I begged, I praised deccan to the moon and Vijay mallaya all the way to Pluto, I even invoked god and by the end of it all - got my self on a Kingfisher flight bound for Goa (scheduled for departure 10 mins before my Deccan flight). I thought - I had accomplished the impossible and that it was a good omen. Little did I know....

Got to Goa and re unioned with my two pals, Tush and Smoochy. The ride from the airport was good for eyes (very scenic) and ears (intellectually stimulating. Topics discussed - New chicks in the office, smoochy's exploits in singapore, party scene in bangalore, etc etc)

An hour and a half later, we got to Calangute and met the person who was arranging our acco. He showed us the rooms. While, the other 2 were Ok with it, yours truly wanted to look around. Why - coz this is not exactly peak season, there is a good place across the road, did not want to take the first thing available. All logical, correct. Wrong!!!! Coz two hours later, we were still looking.

Finally and believe me that finally comes with a big sigh of relief - Finaaaaally, we found a room. we settled in. Tush stripped down to bare minimums (giving Anil Kapoor a complex) to freshen up and we (me and smoochy, not tush) crashed on the bed. Beep. I got a message. 'Your air deccan flight is delayed and will now leave an hour later'. Dudes - was I lucky or was I lucky.

Strategic decisions like Car/bike to rent, plan for the night and tomorrow were discussed and settled. The four of us freshened up and moved out to get some (if you know what I mean). Four?? Ya, I know - we were three to begin with. Picked up the fourth guy somewhere on the way from airport to town. He got into my head, started hammering like there was no tomorrow and gave me the worst headache of my life. You will say, so what - its just a headache. Aah, you gotta get it to believe it.

We enjoyed a beer at the beach where my phone went beep again. It said - You are a lucky dog to get on the KF flight coz your deccan flight is delayed by another couple of hours. Dinner was at some place serving continental, indian, chinese, italian and sea food. Hmmm.. with all the variety - we took 10 mins to order.

Feeling all fuelled up - we headed to the most happening joint - Tito's. We were ready and raring to go but if ever there was a bigger anticlimax. "Sorry, only couples allowed". With headache in my , where else, head - the evening became a blur getting kicked from one joint to another.

By the time the evening ended, we knew the bouncers at all major discs by first name, Tush proved that he could drive in the dark, I demonstrated how a six foot tall guy can sleep on the back seat of a maruti zen, smoochy had used up all expletives to describe the party scene of goa (for stags), we had been to a disc where there were more 'pick ups' than there were ppl to pick up the 'pick ups' (no, we did not pick up anyone) and my phone did not go BEEP.

All the party animals flying by Air deccan were finally in Goa. Tomorrow, should be a better day!! With that thought, we played cards, I lost some money and slept with two snoring asses.

Coming soon - Day 2: Things could not have been better!!

Formatting fug ups

I am facing some problems with getting the formatting right for my blog posts. Specifically, in my previous post - you will see that that there are no line breaks. Now, believe me - I like to be customer friendly. I want to make your experience on this blog super amazing. I am deeply honored that you take out the time to visit this page on a regular basis (now this is addressed to no one am sure).

And believe me (again), that I tried to insert line breaks not once, not twice but a zillion times but blogger just wont let me. I have tried clearing the cache but its still not working. If anyone has any idea, please do drop a line. Cheers

Update - As you can see, I can insert a line break in this one but still cant in the old one. Why is blogger being so unkind to me? Why oh Why!!!

Cough Parade

I have had a cough for the last 8 days now. A lot has changed in that period.

To start with, my salary. Has gone up but not enough to take you all out to a five star and treat you to buckets full of wine and high calorie food. No, thank you very much. But ask for a good night out at my place with exotic Italian food (read pizzas) and super exotic Russian drink (read Vodka), and I will think about it. Heck, I will even let you guys win a little when we play cards.

Also, my status. After getting engaged and burdened and all with responsibility - I got a brief respite. Tum left the city and went to Delhi for her trousseau shopping. So, from quasi-married I had become fraud-bachelor. But, as they say - all good things come to an end. Now that she is back, so has the fraud bachelor period. Bo hoooo

My "never been to Goa" status. In this world there are only two kinds of people. The ones who have been to Goa and ones who have not. Well, that changed last weekend when I finally visited the holy beaches where sun bathing topless, drinking like a fish (even when you have cough) and dancing like crazy are the sacrifices you have to make to achieve nirvana. Believe me, I tried hard. Since, I have not been nirvanaed, I guess I will have to try again. New year weekend - maybe :)

The diagnosis of my cough. It was diagnosed as plain allergy, then re diagnosed as flu cough and the current status is some form of bronchitis. The one thing that has remained constant is the constant coughing which miraculously went away while I was having super chilled away but returned soon after. Maybe, its a sign from god - Keep beering. Ok God - Hic!!

You must be wondering about the title of the post. Last night on the way back in the train - in my bay out of 8 people, 4 were coughing. The influence of Job (my friend) showed up and I instantly named the situation Cuffe parade. Having spent so many weekends in his PJed company, this had to happen.

PS: Watch out for a full blown post on my version of goa trip. The reality could of course be very different.

Hum - Tum

Hum has never reached anywhere on time, Tum rarely ever gets late
Hum is the most un virgo virgo, Tum could organise a completed Rubik's cube better
Hum likes to read and write, Tum could talk till the cows come home
Hum likes to watch cricket, Tum would rather shop
Hum is too country, Tum could teach the Queen a thing or two
Hum likes the hills, Tum likes the seas
Hum hates brown, Tum loves brown
Hum likes beer, Tum loves wine
Hum squeezes the toothpaste at the bottom, Tum squashes it in the middle
Hum is vague, Tum is crystal
Hum is superstitious, Tum says "balls"

So many opposites, it had to happen.
Hum Tum are getting married - Jan 31 is the wedding and Feb 2 is the reception.

I miss.............

Walking up and down Carter road with someone I love,

monkeys entering my house,

rajma chawal,

Karaoke nights at Opus,

Evening parties at home,

Playing cards with friends,

Taking sutta break when I want,

hukka,

the stubborn press walla from bangalore,

nice smiling dhobi in mumbai,

being woken up by mom,

the friday evening jaunt to Bandra,

the sunday evening ride back to powai,

dancing on bollywood numbers,

Insti parties,

working for manfest,

Pub near my place which I loved and everyone hated but they still came along,

Pebble street,

sitting in the staircase,

playing cricket with bro,

being pulled along for shopping,

Indian Idol,

the feeling of having no work whatsoever,

reaching office at 11,

riding nik's bike,

Just sitting around.

2 more days to go.

English, my mother tongue

Ingredients for this blog post

Drunk guys - 2 nos

Bench by the waterway - 1 Nos

Manhattan like skyscrapers-lit-all-over - 45 nos

"Nippy in a nice sort of way" weather - 1 tblspoon

Friday evening "no-office tommorrow" lightness of the head - 1 dollop

Before it starts sounding any more gay, let me add...

Setting flavoured with women of all shapes and sizes - To your taste

So, basically me and a friend were sitting around after office, getting drunk and discussion was veering from one thing to another. We chatted about obvious stuff like Cricket and life in London. We rambled on about arbit stuff like these skyscrapers waste so much electricity. We mulled over thoughtfully about the group of women just hanging around and who was the hottest amongst them. Heck, we even thought of approaching them but discovered that I am chicken and he is chicken little. Ofcourse, we didnt accept it. Instead, we intellectualised the crap out of it and felt like Socrates and Plato.

And then, completely out of the blue, chicken little says "You know what, my mother tongue is English. It is sad but it is true". Surprising?! Yes, coz he is a Punjabi but talks like a Pakistani. Neither of them is anywhere close to England - so, I asked - if during immigration process they stamped his tongue instead of his passport. He looked at me and gave me his "get-set-for-profundity' look. And mouthed - "english is my mother tongue as that is the only language in which I can express myself romantically. I cant say - Kamla main tumhe pyar karta hoon."

To be fair, it would sound shady. But that got me thinking. And you know what happens when a drunk guy starts thinking - aloud. (Why the eff am I spelling thinking like thingking.) Moving on.... to thinking... He might be chicken little... but he is correct. For me too, the tongue has the invisible stamp of the queen's language. Why - coz

1. I have studied English longer than Hindi. English till 12th but Hindi only till 8th. (Boards I had German. Ya I am the cool one). Before you label me as a traitor, label the marking system of Hindi as effed up. Hindi you write and write and score a measly 65. German, I was done in half an hour and scored 90.

2. I speak more English than Hindi - at the workplace, with friends (unless I am swearing ofcourse. Swearing in English just doesnt give you the kick. I mean, think about it - what sounds more spiteful - mother f or madar...

3. I once lost my Reliance cellphone. To get a new one, you have to file an FIR. I went to the police station and started writing one. It was supposed to be in Hindi. Wrote a couple of lines and then got stuck at a word. I just couldnt bloody remember how to write it. Thats when it dawned upon me - holy cow - am angootha chhap in Hindi. Anyways, a Police uncle had to show it to me. After that, he ofcourse confirmed 10 times, if I was from the adjoining campus. I felt so ashamed of myself, I came back to my room and wrote the entire Hindi alphabelt again. Ofocurse, I had to google it first!!

All the above is just to make the blog long. real reason - why English is my mothertongue - because that is the language I think in.

When did this transition happen, how did it happen - I dont know and have no real inclination to brood over it. But, I am a little sad about it. Just a little. Yes.

Namastey London


Too tired to put together a well thought out, well laid out, well structured, well blah di blah post. But not tired enough to not being able to fight the urge to not blog. After the above sentence the tiredness increased a little more and am still not sure if its correct. But wtf. Here goes a string of totally random pearls -


I have not polished my shoes for 10 days now but they are still like they were on the first day. This after I walk almost half a km, sorry a third of a mile to work.


I travel 1.5 hours to pick up Indian food.


I have been waking up at 6 ever since I have come over. I last did that when I was in school and that was 9 years back.


Ever since I have come here, I have said sorry 50,678,456 times. Let me add, it was'nt really my fault 50,678,455 of those times


Prefix 50,678,456 with another 1. Thats the number of times I have said Thank You in the last 10 days. Its become such a habit now that I have even started thanking myself everytime I open the door (for myself), press the elevator button (for who ...myself), cook dinner, fart and pee. I really dont know if I mutter the thank you sermon while I am sleeping as well.


I wonder why women around the world donot feel cold. Cut to In India, sorry North India - wedding season (January), men are wrapped in suits and what not inside. Still need the whisky, vodka and more to keep them warm. Women with utter disregard to the under 5 degree temperature waltz around in backless cholis, sleeveless blouses and what have you. Cut to London and replace the backless cholis, sleeveless blouses with short, no very short skirts, sleeveless tops, plunging necklines and ya.. a jacket but for purely ornamental purposes. Women are the same everywhere. They dont feel cold. By the way, this is just an observation. You thought, I was complaining. Thwaaaack!!!


People here work, work, work work and then work a little more. On top of this, a friend told me - New York is worse. My ans was - do they have real ppl there or just robots. Am sure, the female robots also dont feel cold.


Desis donot talk to desis. It is as if they are thinking - shoo... dont come near me or I will be found out. That kinda sucks.


I have moved around the city using the tube. And, its bloody efficient, easy to understand and uncrowded to the extent of being uneconomical.


I love cities that have an Old world charm about them. London's got that by the drum loads. Enter Central London and you see buildings 50, 100, even 200 years old and there are a lot of them. I like that. The only place which used to give me that kind of feeling in Delhi was Connaught place. After Metro, even that has become ..... mmmmm.... i dunno... NEWY.


I miss the sun. I never thought that I would say this. After all, in Delhi thats the only thing we get a lot of. First 3 days, I was good. Nice, end novembry delhi weather and I was like - why do people crib about the weather here. Now, I know why..



I wanna write more, but I wanna sleep much more. So am off. More later.

Another movie post - Dil Chahta Hai...

Its the only movie of which I have seen all 4 shows. No, No, not on the same day. Am not that crazy. To add to that, I have seen it countless no. of times on TV. Last time being three days back - when I caught the last 20 mins.

Since then, I have been oscillating between - to-blog-about-it-or-not-to-blog-about-it. Mostly because, I have just put up a post on movies (Jerry Maguire) and people might find it repetitive. But then I realised, all of 2 people read the blog - thats me in the morning (all fresh and happy) and me in the evening (jaded and tired) and both of them wont mind reading about it - so what the hell. Here goes.....

DCH did not send the cash registers ringing. Nor was it a cult movie. I mean, it did not start a revolution - a la Rang De Basanti, or motivated a whole lot of parents naming their son Raj a la DDLJ or make people teary eyed going ga ga about joint families a la HAHK. But there is a freshness about the movie which just does not fade away. So, in true corporate style (saying this as I am blogging from the office-influence rubbing off), what are the take aways -

1. New and improved Saif - Before we got Parineeta, Hum Tum, Salaam Namaste, Omkaara there was DCH. Somewhere, on the sets of DCH he discovered uber coolness and perfect sense of comic timing. Fortunately, both have stayed with him ever since.

2. Aamir's goatee - What do we say about him? Who would have thought that after playing the unforgettable role of village hero Bhuvan in Lagaan - in the very same year he himself will break the mould and reincarnate as SCST (super-cool-stud-types) Aakash. His hair style gave all barbers an excuse to give a lousy hair cut (sir, ekdum aamir khan types baal kaata hai) and made goatee the new in-thing.

3. Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy - Did they do any movies before DCH or they were just too busy getting a PhD in advertising jingles? Truly, they are a gift to music. We have heard them in a whole lot of movies ever since but DCH is where their cliched sun rose for the first time.

4. Friendship - Friendship has been the object of many movies (Sholay is the first one that comes to mind) but Farhan handled it in a really realistic way, something I connected with instantly. Friends having fun at college and playing pranks, Friends having an argument, Friends crossing the line, Friends walking away for something which can be resolved with a simple sorry, Friends still feeling the connect despite all differences and distance, and Friends being friends again (thank fully), albeit in a different more mature more understanding way.

5. Farhan Akhtar - I could not believe this was his first movie. I am no expert in movie making - for that matter, not really an expert in anything. I am an MBA - what did you expect. Bloody &*%(*^*&^&^. Go take a walk. But really - such finesse in story telling! He strengthened my faith in Genes (He is the progeny of Honey Irani and Javed Akhtar). I just hope, mine start showing their effect sometime soon. Its been 26 years already. Start working... dammit!!

Well, can go ranting on and on. But then work would suffer and you would suffer too - reading more of me. So will stop.

If you think of something I have missed - feel free to add.

Coming soon - A post on Mumbai - the city I love to hate but (OK, I confess) would probably hate to leave now.

What am I talking about -

1. I dont understand what it really really means...

2. Its written by someone who died way before I was born..meaning its not really contemporary..

3. I am not a big fan of the author. Infact, I have not read anything else that the guy has written. This on top of the fact that the guy was a prolific, influential and well known author who wrote poems, plays, books et al.

4. Its not sung by my favorite singer. Infact, its sung by a motley group of classical singers mixed with some filmi types. Odd combination no....

5. I hear it in the oddest of place - darkened hall, 100's of unknown people around me... me in a relaxed mood and they make me specially stand up to listen to this...

You guessed it right. Its the National Anthem.

The point is despite reasons 1-5, I get goosebumps when I listen to the anthem. It makes me want to sing along - actually sing along loudly, saluting the screen alongside, doing a march past (while standing at the same place) and when it gets over - shout slogans like "Bharat Mata ki jai" and what not. But I refrain so that people around me dont think that they will be spending the next 2.5 hours sitting next to a total freakshow (what to do - I am please-everyone, dont stand out, merge in the background types) .

But I do singalong. Ofcourse, the mute button is firmly pressed. It immediately puts me in a good mood, refreshes the hell out of me and most of all makes me proud to be an Indian.

PS: Last time, I heard it - I felt all of that and more. Why - coz the movie that followed was not one of those David Dhawan types (which, by the way I enjoy) but a totally rocking Chak de. Its a must watch. For a more convincing pitch - go here. It convinced me for sure.

Jerry Maguire...

Watched it yesterday night. Let me add here - have watched it atleast 7 times before this. But the beauty of Cinema - it always throws up new angles, new thoughts and the energy to actually get off your ass after a fairly heavy day at work and blog about it.

I wonder, how could Cameron Crowe fit in the following in all of 139 mins:

1. Best breaking up scene (quiet) - When Renee Zellweger breaks up with Tom Cruise. She starts with "Its my fault"; you throw your head back, think "not another woman taking it on herself while actually saying - "Its you, moron!! your f^&*^%g fault", saying out loudly "bah" and getting up to get something from the fridge. Just then, she launches into a monologue which makes her sound totally believable, makes you shake your head in agreement and curse yourself for thinking bad things about Renee. All else is OK but how could think bad about her - she is Reneeeee.... havent you seen Bridget Jones's series.

2. Best Breaking up scene (loud) - Unlike the first one, this keeps you hooked. Atleast, kept me hooked. (Does it mean - I like my women loud and feisty and balls-kicking. No, I have only one pair and I dont think I would like a tinge of blue color on them). The best part of the scene is - the split second change of emotions - While Kelly Preston is haranguing Tom for losing out on a contract, Tom realises he wants to break up. In a second, kelly feels she has done the wrong thing and does not want to break up. In the next second, she feels this cant be happening to her and she will be losing (in case you have not figured yet - she is super competitive, really hot chick who has never been dumped). Next second, she is over him, angry and punches the hell out of his face and gives his balls theblue tinge (which i re highlight - I dont like on mine)

3. Best Father - son bonding scenes - Will have to say scenes coz the relationship evolves. From friendly banter in the car (Renee and her son go to drop Tom at the airport. Tom and son play a game of "Did you know....") to keeping secrets and soulful listening (when Tom drops over at Renee's place and is totally broken) to the utterly touching hug that the son gives Tom when he is taking Renee out on a date to the Morning - over the breakfast-eating cereals bonding. I think its truly amazing.

4. Best Friends - Again an evolution. Starts with Cuba Gooding saying "Show me the money" and Tom saying "You are all I have got" to venting out anger (by both Tom outside the airport) to complete care and love that a friend deserves.

5. Best making up scene - Setting - Tom and Renee have broken up. He, the dud realises that he cannot live without her, comes running back to a house where a bunch of divorced women are chatting about "how empty their lives are". Tom walks in, says Hello and hajjaar other stuff. For me, its the line of the movie. All Renee says is "You had me at Hello...."

It just makes me wonder, how could Cameron Crowe fit it all in 139 mins. Have I said it before. Am I repeating myself. Yes, you dud - coz am still wondering. Why, even our coffee guy Karan Johar needs triple the time to talk about any one of the above.

Bottom Line - If you have not seen the movie - watch it.
If you have, watch it again. You will enjoy.

Tag along....

I am good at a lot of things. Just wanted to add another item to the list - "Being irritating".

To accomplish this - I have set an easy target - Smoochy. And the plan of action is to "start a tag chain". Ironically, the objective of the tag is to - write about -

5 most irritating TAGS ever -
1. 5 things you love / hate about your job - except Salary, job content, boss, coworkers

2. 5 things you love / hate about the Indian cricket team - except Sachin, Saurav, Dravid, Kumble and Chappel

3. 5 things you would do if you became Mr Universe / Ms. Universe - except eradicating poverty, illiteracy et al

4. 5 people / items you want to have around when you get stranded on an island - except Monica Belluci or the Calvin Hobbes collection

5. 5 most irritating tags ever.

Go on, smoochy - take it out, let it rip, show the world. We are all watching.

What defines me......

The other day, I went and watched Salman Khan and Govinda starrer Partner. Before you close the window - this post is not about the movie.

Then, same day - late night Star Movies or HBO was showing Hitch - the Will Smith starrer that Partner is a rip off of. Before you get really interested and lean forward to read, this post is not about Hitch either.

Slight digression - a friend of mine has predicted that Will Smith will be the first Black US President. I thinks its quite possible. What do you guys think? Disclaimer again - this post is not about politics either.

Okay okay - am getting to the point.

Somewhere in the movie - Eva Mendes, Will Smith love interest is narrating an incident to him about something that happened to her when she was a kid. And she says, "It kinda defines you - doesnt it". Meaning - the incident had such an impact on her that those 15 minutes shaped the person she had become.

It kinda got me thinking. I dived into the recesses of my past to look for something similar. And came up with no equally jolting, mind altering events. However, there was this small incident which in its very subtle way, altered one aspect of my personality. If you have read till this far, I am assuming you are interested - so here goes -

Once upon a time, there was this kid. Let call him Tom. He had a slight bent towards academics (credit goes to sundry temptations given by parents if he did well). He also had two friends - no prizes for guessing the names - Dick and Harpreet. Turns out - they also had a similar bent of mind. Basically, they were all maggoos (nerds) and mostly the parents were to blame. TDH had been in the same section since class first. Till Class V - end of the year class ranks were as follows -
Rank 1 - Dick or Harpreet (depending on whose parents were better at whipping their progeny's ass)
Rank 2 - Dick or Harpreet (depending on whose parents were better at whipping their progeny's ass)
Rank 3 - Tom
Bottom Line - Tom was always third.
Hidden Bottom Line - He was a satisfied third Class VI

2nd term results are out - Marks are as follows:
Rank 1 - Dick - Marks - 729
Rank 2 - Harpreet - Marks - 728
Rank 3 - Tom - Marks - 727

Tom's class teacher calls him to her room. They talk, something dawns on her, she asks Tom to call his parents for a PTA. Tom - the intelligent class Rank 3 bugger that he is - thinks she is going to praise his ass off. Goes home and arrives at the school with parents and co.

Scene - Meeting room
Teacher, Parents and co, Tom sitting around the table

Parents - (thinking - what has he done again)
Tom - (thinking - wow ...my ass is going to get praised and this is strategically the right time to ask for Media - the new video game)

Teacher - to P&Co - your son has done well again. Am sure you are really happy
P&Co - (thinking - thank god - no class fights discussion) (smiling)- Ya - he works really hard
Tom - external - nice studious smile (Internal - Media - My beloved video game - here i come yippeeee)

Teacher - But i wanted to discuss something else also.
P&Co - (thinking We knew there was something !!!!! Toooooom Grrrrr) And What is it ?!?
Tom - (thinking O shit - does she know about my crush on her - Dick, you told her, I am going to immobilize your dick - Looking to bolt)

Teacher - I looked at his past record. While he has been doing well, he has been consistently coming third in his class. And the troubling bit is - He is happy about it and totally satisfied. (Looking at Tom) Dont you want to come first Tom?
Tom - (looooong sigh of relief) - Well I want to but..... its oK (thinking what crap conversation is)

The meeting went on like that but Tom had mostly switched off. Uninterested as if this was a non issue and the teacher by calling the PTA and discussing this was jeopardising his chances of getting Media.

No, after this meeting Tom did not become the ass hole maggoo. Did not become the rat that he has probably become now. And still did not want to come first in the class.

One minor change - Year end results - Rank status -
Rank 1 - Dick (celebrating)
Rank 2 - Harpreet (celebrating)
Rank 3 - Tom (celebrating)

But this time - there was a subtle shift - somewhere inside along with the old happy feeling of coming third - there was feeling part two - slightly sad that he had not come second or even first. For me, that was the start of (no - not becoming the rat) but actually visualising and believing that I could come first.

And I did in class VII and VIII.

IX onwards I started taking active interest in the female species. A lot of FIRSTS happened there. But that is for another post.

So... what defines you?

I miss... Bangalore et al

Here I pen the slightly half baked toast,
To good times and friends I miss the most,
This is my lousy attempt at prose,
Believe me - it does not happen roz roz.


Met this ass on campus at L,
For spons together we travelled.
We were in the same committee,
On the way back, at CCD we had coffee.
Things were kinda luke warm there,
We never really pained each other threadbare.
At Bangalore, his bartending became the catalyst,
Courtesy him - fun times and me had regular trysts.
From "S throws up all over" party to chopsticks dance,
Time passed away like we were in a trance.
He is really good at being good but bad at mimes,
The F%^&*r is the "king of good times".


My account of bangalore is incomplete without this CA CS MBA,
He is Mr Moneybags, I cant even be his PA.
He pained me his "conquering the world" talk,
His love for Mukesh Ambani always made us balk.
He is lousy at Golf and wants to bring out the talent,
Believe me, 50 yards is the farthest he ever went.
All said and done, D is going to be a an industry doyen,
That time I will wish - I had not written this Poem.


Meet the man with multiple facets,
Livewire of all our parties, loverboy for all bimbettes.
To Sweater hatao he gave a new meaning,
After every party - he made us do a lot of cleaning.
He plays Golf well, He gave us the wheeeeeeee chair,
To him and Sanjay - I owe that night out in fresh bangalore air.
Study all you want - you have my dua,
You cancelled it and now owe me a trip to Goa.,


Those not mentioned - please dont be depressed,
I love you all and this post is still work in progress

cheers....

Positioning - Ever heard about this creature.

Well if you have studied marketing, I bet Shakira's well positioned ass, you must have heard about this organism.

Basically, how you want the world to perceive you.

1. India had the positioning of being the land of snake charmers.
Now, the snake charmers have all moved to Bangalore, joined call centers and exchanged the snake with mouse.

2. The villain of famous Hindi movies - Ranjit has the clear positioning of being a rapist (in movies only, lest he decides to rape... er.. sue me)

3. Dharam paji has the positioning of being an earthy Punjabi Jat

4. The company I work for has the positioning of being a true blue Investment Bank

5. I have the clear positioning of being the laziest guy. Ask my friends, family and press walla.

Was thinking, if everyone has a clear positioning - why not my blog.

1. Why not make it the funniest blog around. But can I do it better than www.whatay.com. Sidin is way funnier than a million me's put together. So I thought, will just leave that domain for him. (as if I have a choice .. sob)

2. How about basing the blog on my life. But can I make it more colorful, eventful, lustful than eM's http://thecompulsiveconfessor.blogspot.com/ . Can I make people look forward to reading about whats happening in my life, disagree but still identify with it and go tra la la. Really dont think so. So, thats gone too....

3. How about this being a general blog with interesting bits from all over. But that property is already owned by www.indiauncut.com . First of all, I just can't match his frequency. And of course, the stuff he puts on there - too diverse but all interesting. Na bhai, humse nahin hoga.

4. What's next - movies. Hmm... I like watching movies, love talking about them, would be interested in writing about them. But again - enter Sayesha. As she herself would have said, top class hai mamu. Apna to circuit fuse.

5...

6....

Well, the list goes on. But every position trait is occupied by someone.

Suddenly, I have visions of my marketing prof waking me up from much needed sleep. Carve a niche, son. Am still confused. Lets see if some order emerges out of this chaos.

Come to think of it - while am talking about the positioning of the entire blog, the blog post itself has no positioning. Is it about positioning or am praising the guys above .. dunno.. No wonder - the name of the blog is what it is - CLEARLY CONFUSED

Atleast, I got that right. Cheers.

I have shifted...

From the city of one ways (Bangalore) to the city of no way (as in traffic jams.. Mumbai)

From a job where end of the year savings account bank interest dwarfed my annual package to a job where with my monthly package I can buy out the Bill Gates holding in MS. (Atleast so I feel now... gimme a couple of weeks more and I will surely crib about how I am more underpaid than the slum dwellers in Burkinafaso)

From a sprawling 3 BHK with a football field, Basketball court, cricket pitch, well stocked bar thown in (all for 7K) to a house which has a bed, a side table and no place left for me to stand - all for 15K .. (ok slightly exaggerating but its kinda tight)

From a house full of friends and merry making to a house where I go back to no one (except on weekends)... miss you guys...

Its getting a little sad.. so here goes...
From being lost and rudderless to definitiveness and direction....

From a city where i made new friends to a city where I have lots of friends and most of all.. the love of my life...

From Retail to Finance

From ultimate bachelorhood to (quasi) settled down life

From not blogging to blogging (Its my second post today...ha)

Feeling deprASSed ?

So, what is it this time

• You and your girlfriend had a fight.. (eyeing some one else... werent you)
  
• Your boss fired your ass... (coz you were being yourself....Incompetent)
  
• Your job does not pay well enough (some consolation... which job does??)
  
• India lost another overseas series (When will you give up on them...?)
• Keep wondering if its not big enough (Stop watching porn and change your benchmark)
  
• Roomie has pained the crap out of you with his talk abt lucre... (this has depressed you.. get a life!!!)
  
• Bumped into an old flame.. and she looked so happy (seriously... move on man)
• Hajjar other things...

All of the above happened to me (except point #5... ya right.. you wish). Normal remedies -

• Dont let the freshness go out of your life. Keep eyeing others
• Your mom, dad, grandpa, girlfriend tried and tried but could not change you. How can you let some Boss with no Bass change you. Continue to be yourself
• Start comparing your sal package with batchmates who got placed in Slot 10. Suddenly you will feel rainbows sproutin all over the world.
• Watch old Glorious India re runs on ESPN. They plays tonnes of them.
• Mix some digestion-inducing-shit in his food. Ensure its way above the prescribed limit. And when he makes the much needed visit to the loooo - lock him inside. Die you dog
• Nothing to say - move on.
  

On a seriously funny note -

• Read blogs. Stumbled onto http://sidin.blogspot.com/2005/09/shopping-with-enemy.html. Its crazily funny.
  

Until later...

Distance..... 

Distance = Speed x Time

We all know this.
Just want to interpret the above equation when its distance between people and not objects or places. 

As Amitabh Bachchan said in the oft copied.. now cult scene ... in the movie HUM "Is duniya mein do tarah ka keeda hota hai". 
Simply paraphrasing it - "Is duniya mein do tarah ka distance hota hai"
1. Physical - Living in separate houses, localities, cities, states, countries, continents, planets... blah blah....
2. Mental - Despite living in the same room - feeling so far apart that people living in different galaxies feel more connected and closer. 

If there is physical distance between 2 ppl but no mental distance - All's well my boy but if its the other way round, 
about time you try and build the bridge or you have lost her/him. 

If there is physical distance, the chances of mental distance increase.

If there is mental distance, physical distance does not matter - if its thr or not. . 

Let try and re write the equation.

        (Time Apart x Other Attractions x Worldly pressures)^disTRUST
D =  ---------------------------------------------------------------
              (Time together x Commonalities)^TRUST


Time apart is directly proportional to distance. As time apart increases while two people are staying apart - distance increases too. Well... In most cases. Some last 4 months, some last 4 years. But keep stretching this.. and you will lose it.

Time Together - as you can see - is inversely proportional. Spend more time together before moving apart and you will get a better chance to know each other better. What the other person likes, dislikes, hates, loves, abhors etc etc. What makes the other person tick, un tick, cross, un cross .. blah blah blah. The way you chew, talk, laugh, crack jokes, smile, react when the other person is cross.  Also, it helps you determine - if you really want to let distance come in between you and the other party or not. 

Other Attractions - This is the factor which takes the biggest share of blame by the party which did not want the distance to come in. Other attractions - could include a hajjar things - The usual ones are - Career, Someone else (basically someone better than you - better looking, better sense of humor, better connection.. or plain and simple BETTER IN THE OTHER PERSON'S EYES)
The unusual/funny/crazy ones are - city (The city changed you - so u dont like me anymore), company 
(your friends incited you against me) .. bull shit bull shit bull shit. Please add to the list :)

Commonalities - As the name suggests - things common between you, help you in sticking together. From
 important things like your view on relationships, your vision of future ..... 
to not - so - important things like whats your favorite dish, favorite movie, favorite daal... to crazy things like "whether rakhi 
sawant should be evicted from big boss" and "India will win the world cup"

Worldly Pressures - Honestly, I am not clear about this one. But am sure these exist. Not all of us are strong in the mind like me (just kidding!!!) and succumb to worldly pressures of earning more money, having a better girl/boy, or just a girl/boy who is willing to be had, "beta...when  will you get married by ev1" etc etc...

Trust - Well... this is the killer. For Galli cricketers "beech ka bichchu" gets to bat from both side. In the numerator as well as denominator'. Depending on whether its positive or negative. If positive, you will trust your partner when he/she is out with someone else watching a movie, having dinner etc etc.
If you got negative trust / disTRUST - you are jacked. Not you, not your mama, not anyone can prevent the distance. But if you have (+ive) TRUST , you gotta much better chance. But dont stretch it for too olong. coz It will run out. 

I am sure there is much more to what brings or eliminates distance between people. This is what i think. Please feel free to add to it. 

By the way... I hate MATHS...