My 25!!

This has been doing the rounds on FB. Make way, my turn -

1. I always look at the worst case outcome first. But my philosophy since Day 1 of summer placements at IIML has been that the worst case outcome is never bad enough. Life still goes on.
   
2. At the risk of sounding Model Town macho, I do best when circumstances are not in my favour. Not because I do best under pressure blah di blah. But coz there are no expectations.
   
3. I am invariably running late for morning meetings. I hate them.
   
4. This is going to sound weird. Somewhere deep down I kinda like it when my flight gets delayed. Its coz I am stranded there but it is not my fault. So, I can just sit there not doing anything particularly - reading a book, chatting up with people sitting around me, just watching people go by.
   
5. It is amazing that there are people I never talked to while studying with them in the same class at college for 2-3 years. Picked it up with them after a gap and am goood friends with them now.
   
6. I can't suck up and I hate ppl who even give an appearance of doing so. So much so that in my previous job, I had a great rapport with my boss but used to be very restricted in my interaction in the office. He actually asked me why I was avoiding him in the office and if there was problem.
   
7. If I say something, it never happens. So, I refrain from saying a lot of stuff out loud.
   
8. I hate the civic sense people have in delhi. I think I have mentioned it multiple times but I am just not able to get used to it.
   
9. I am a stickler for not using the sms languageand find people who use it quite frivolous.
   
10. I can consume copious amount of alcohol straight up but give me 1 beer after 3 drinks and you are in for a fun show
    
11. I always always always get post purchase dissonance. Be it a shirt, a car, a tv, job - anything
    
12. I used to think a lot about what others think abt me. That has gone down quite a lot
    
13. I am a senti emotional ass.
    
14. I find it much easier to forgive now but very hard to forget
    
15. That said, am really really forgetful in my day to day life. By the way, Where's my tie
    
16. I am the most un-virgo virgo ever when it comes to being organised et al. Exhibit A, B, C – my room at college, my drawers, my financials. I am organised inside my head though.
    
17. I haven't discovered my real talent yet. I am beginning to worry about it a little bit. There might be nothing there. Does faffing qualify as a talent.
    
18. I donot lie. I just oversell
    
19. I have a lopsided grin. You would think how can someone miss that. Well, for 27 years – most people including me did. I got out found out in my wedding pictures though
    
20. When I start working on something, I start with good planning, lots of energy. As the end seems near, I slack off. I hate it afterwards but at that time – a cricket match, time pass on FB etc becomes of utmost importance. Its beginning to happen here as well.
    
21. People say, be focussed. I have done a lot of diverse stuff – from PR to Wealth management to Apparel to Retail to Equity research to PE. Can you be more unfocussed than that. But truly, everything in the above list has made me a better person, added to my persona and I don't regret it. Cut me some slack for post purchase dissonance though.
    
22. When I am trying to recall something, there is a vision of someone lying on a moving conveyer belt. End of the conveyer belt is the steep fall. It is like an internal timer. If I cant recollect it until the person on the belt falls, I lose it. It hits me at weird times like in the loo or bathing or in the middle of some arbit unrelated meeting
    
23. I am a trivia nut case
    
24. I love lists (a virgo trait finally!)
    
25. End of the list, I am slacking off. Cant think of anything. The person on the conveyer belt has reappeared and ……………………. Disappeared. Curtains!
    

cheers

Random Rants

I am back. So what if it is with a set of random rants. But I am. Hopefully, things would become less random after this post and we would start seeing some semblance of non randomness on this blog. Pardon me but I am reading Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy right now and the effects.. err side effects of that are visible. So, back to the rants –

1. I am running massively behind on my movies. I haven’t seen Slumdog Millionaire, Luck by chance and Dev.D yet. Heck, who am I kidding. I haven’t even seen Oye Lucky, Lucky oye as well. Yes, you heard it right. On the other hand, I have seen Rab ne bana di Jodi, Ghajini and Chandni Chowk to China and I am not proud of it. I still cant believe Ghajini is the biggest grosser of all times. The world went once (fools like me), twice and sometimes even thrice (all macho boys of Model Town) to see a forgetful ass with an 8 pack. What is the world coming to?

2. While on movies, can’t wait to watch Delhi – 6. I am sure, Abhishek will redeem himself and prove that there is some truth to genetics. ROPM after Rang de and ARR after a gazillion and one movies are already gods and don’t need to prove anything. Do have huge expectations from Sonam. Genetics again! Another crib, if I may. It should have been called Dilli-6 instead of Delhi-6. I think the effect would have been more.

3. Settling in Delhi has been not as easy as it seemed. Staying with family after living your own way for 3 years takes a bit of getting used to. Especially, the crazy house parties that we hosted. Am sure, my well used bar set and the bottles with leftovers are taking a well deserved break. Well, rest on guys. Dilli abhi door hai! I still miss Bombay sometimes – the energy of the city, the independence of life, our apartment, lazy weekends, impromptu plans, chai break and more with pals at my old office. That said, Delhi has its upsides. Quality of life is great. Driving 25 kms does not take 250 mins like Mumbai. I am not paying the GDP of Zimbabwe as my monthly rent and I do have a lot of friends here. If only we had the sea side here.

4. I wish I could sing like Shankar Mahadevan, write like Amit and play cricket like Sachin. Unfortunately, I sing like Sachin, write like Shankar and play like Amit. While we are on wishes – I wish I could fly, become invisible and cook well. Ok ok, the first two I wanted when I was five and the last one is what my wife wants. I ain’t going beyond tea and omelettes.

5. I think civility has shifted lock stock and barrel from Delhi to a more civil city. Don’t ask me where. People in Delhi cut lanes while driving, queues while queuing and cake while cutting (Sorry, couldn’t resist that). People drive on high beam, come late for meetings and sometimes don’t even turn up (and donot apologise)

6. There is this tag of “25 things about me” doing the rounds on facebook. Its bizarre but I am actually enjoying reading that note about people I barely know

7. There are about 8 unfinished blog drafts on my blogger homepage. Somehow, I start writing them with a lot of zest and midway get completely off it and leave them unfinished. I don’t have the heart to delete them, so they just sit there mocking me.

8. I have a lot of random stuff to say

9. I really want to start exercising but I am just not able to build them into my daily schedule.

10. I am lousy when it come to getting up early in the morning. I don’t like it.

11. I seem to have hit a writers block. I used to write poems (well, I am being a little generous to myself by calling them poems. They are more like Hum and Tum’s experiences, life put said out in rhyme). Haven’t done one in a while.

12. Everytime I say that I will do this – circumstances turn such that I do that and that and even that but never this. Exhibit A, B and C on this blog itself. Everytime I have ended a blog by saying that I will follow up with something – I somehow never do.

13. I am obsessed with lists and writing stuff down

14. I wish I was more confident than I am. Was discussing with Tum and she feels that I am. It does not matter if I don’t feel it from inside. As long as I appear so, it is fine. She says that the person I was referring to as super confident might also feel the same about himself. I kinda agreed with her

15. Somehow, Tum always makes sense. I should listen to her more

Thats it.

Deja vu

People are sitting around taking tea breaks every 5 mins or chatting away on the phone or reading through old study material/reports or simply doing nothing. Basically, no one is working as there is no work.

Some seats where your friends used to sit are vacant and that does not make you miss them. Rather, you think they are out trying to take away the opportunity that is yours. You hope to hit the road soon.

People are keeping their ears open for new pieces of information filtering in through the grapevine of friends and foes.

You end up charging your phone twice a day. Not because you are playing iSolitaire but because you are fielding calls from friends, relatives and Aisa vaisa bank for the personal loan you will surely need in a couple of months. Some call out of concern, some call out of curiousity. Some call to offer help while others call to take an update. Mostly, you end up giving an explanation about how you are taking it fine, make a stupid joke at which you laugh yourself and try and get off the phone asap.

Time and again, someone senior in the value chain comes in and tries to perk you up with pep talk about how the world is not coming to an end and we have more options coming up. Rhetorical questions are asked and the same are answered hypothetically. Not because they dont want to, they simply cant.

No, I am not talking about the students waiting room during the pressure cooker placement season at the coveted B-schools. Rather, this is rather the financial crisis of the century which has managed to reach India after a substantial enough number of home owners managed to NOT pay their EMI's and started the wave that took down 3 bulge bracket investment banks and threatens to claim more.

While the setting has shifted from the classroom to a swanky office - feelings of uncertainty about future, about my own self belief, about proving your self worth are the same. Optimists say - this too shall pass.

I ask - When?!

Finally

Finally, the clouds have parted and the sun is shining - nice and err sunny...
Finally, the cage latch has been let loose and the bird is away….
Finally, the exams are over and the kids are carefree….
Finally, the mental block is off and I am blogging…

Just wanted to build it up Barney (How I met your mother) style.

It has been a while and a lot of stuff has happened since I got drunk in Goa. For starters, I went to Goa…ya again. It was one of those New Year trips to Goa when everything is expensive square, when there are more people in a club than there are at Churchgate station at 5 PM, when there are such jams that you almost bring in the new year in the car stuck between a jeep and a minibus, when there are… Ok Ok you get the drift.

Despite all of the above and more, was probably one of the best new year's eve. Courtesy, a drunk chick who kept trying to get the tongue twister (oonth ooncha, peeth oonchi, oonche oonth ki pooch oonchi) right and wanted to make sure everyone else did too. I had trouble TYPING the damn thing down - no chance in hell to say that straight esp after you are drunk(er). To add to the fun, there were two guys who gave everyone on Baga beach the pleasure of pole dance (with full clothes on, of course). One of them was drunk - what excuse does the other one have, I wonder? Not to be left behind, there was this babe who got very tulli and asked for more. By drunk, I mean soooo drunk, very very drunk, so much so that we gave her water and she got high on that too. We also saw another extreme of the chicas in Goa. Well, this one after unleashing her share of karate chops on ruffians and chugging "more than" her share of beer / shots - decided to take a nap in the middle of a party with some 10K watts of music blaring all over. Her dutiful husband stood guard for a while but then did as all guards do. Dozed off!!

We saw the first sun rise of the freshly minted year at the fraud "Dil chahta hai" fort, had a great breakfast, slept some and took the train back. To wrap up the goodness, I won the final game of Uno (I had been losing so miserably all along that I had become the laughing stock of the laughing stock.)

All in all, a great start to the new year. Things were going to get better. Wait for more.

Spoiler Alerts - I get on a mare to pick up my date for life, then get into a car and drive around 1,500 kms with her in a country which has more sheep than people.. and more.

Goa - Happy hours

Day 1 in Goa was like eating Rajma Chaval at IIM L mess. Its a dish I love but coz its not cooked right, its just not fun enough. For the gastronomically un-inclined, it was like going out with a chick dressed in a micro mini skirt who loves watching "K" serials. Her favourite character - Ba! Meaning - you see the possibilities but you also know - it ain't happening. Damn you Ekta!!

Would Day 2 also turn out to be a whimper. Lets see....

Signed off here last night. The four of us slept but when we woke up - there were only three of us. My guess is that my headache got a headache coz of all the snoring the "snoring asses" were doing and decided to dump us. Well, good for everyone.

It was a glorious day - sitting outside our room we were enjoying our chai. We planned extensively for the day. Plan summary - Balls to yesterday. After sufficient 'free breakfast' gorging and extensive sunscreen thoping - we were off. Our first stop - not the beach, not watersports, not some shack but the market. Turns out the "snoring asses" were also "forgetful asses" and had forgotten slippers. In their defence, they remembered to carry the laptop!!! Moral of the story - when you go to a beach, cappy laptop.

After slipper and fake sunglasses shopping, we reached Baga beach where we plopped ourselves onto well shaded beds. Err, correction - snoring asses (henceforth SA's) plopped themselves and yours truly was haggling with the watersports ppl. Much unsuccessful haggling happened and our agenda was banana ride, escorted scooter ride and parasailing.

The shirts came off (hunks out in full glory), the water jackets went on and the studs were all "suited up". Banana ride is aptly named - literally and figuratively. Literally, coz you sit on a banana shaped tube and are ridden into the mighty turbulent seas (for non-swimmers like me - read 50 mts from the shore). Figuratively, coz before you can say "abe, kya boring hai", the boat is manouvered in such a way that the banana over turns, you are thrown into the saltier-than-salt and dirtier-than-dirt water, clinging on to Tushi's jacket and shorts for back up. I did not care if tushi's shorts came off and I will be subjected to a bigger horror than drowning. At that moment, all I could mouth was "abe, mujhe swimming nahin aati" and clung on to the first thing in sight (read tushi's shorts).

Scooter ride was fun - the rider acting fancy, the waves acting wavy and we acting scared. Para-sailing - aaah. Its like kite flying. Just that you ARE the kite and someone else is flying. Ofcourse, you pay handsomely to be flown. All frills in Goa come with a price tag. Here the frill was a "dip". You are high in the air - enjoying the view and the boat's speed is reduced and you start descending into the sea. Just when, you hit the water - the speed is increased and you start ascending again.

A diversion here. While I was on the boat, waiting for my turn and couple was also aboard. The husband took the "dip" but when his wife's turn came he asked her not to take it, lest there are sharks in the water. Everyone on the boat including me made fun of him. I mean, dude!! sharks so close to the shore.. Grow up and all that.

Back to my parasailing, when my dip went on for longer than average, when I was in water and my parachute was starting to get deflated, when I started feeling that it might not ascend again - the shark thing came to my mind. And, believe me - it was'nt fun.

Anyways - all the water sports got the adrenaline going. The shirts came off for good and our hunk hood was on full display. This day was so much better and goa was so much fun. from Baga, we drove to Anjuna - the firang and hopefully "topless" beach. The drive was short but fun. We were finally getting into the Goan mood.

Reached Anjuna. While we were walking through the local bazaar, forget women - even the men were covered up here. Suddenly we started feeling a lil ahem.. naked. So much so, that we started counting the ppl appropriately dressed for the beach (read: topless). Soon, the number became respectable and we felt man enough to take off even our shorts. Okay, the last line is an exaggeration. A walk on the beach, frolicking in the water and a sumptous lunch.

Life was good. Could we settle down here, please!! I like the sun and sand and breeze and locals and beer and idea of not wearing too many clothes. It was truly blissful. Little did I know - it was going to get better. On the walk back from Anjuna, the real Tushi came fore and wanted to run on the beach. I did too!! and beat his pants err shorts off.

Next on list was the prime time item. The "Dil chahta hai" fort. Passing through narrow roads, passing by firangs on Enfields, chai khokhas, quaint local dwellings - we reached the place and trekked up. We reached the wall where Sid, Akash and Sameer (read Akshay, Aamir and Saif) philosophised about life. The view from there was truly spectacular. See here. Pictures just cannot capture the beauty here.

At this majestic view, smoochy says "A beer here would be perfect". A vendor with 3 chilled beer cans for the 3 of us appeared miraculously. We savoured the beer, enacted the DCH scene and captured it on video. (if that video gets out, I tell you - the three of us will be deported). Sharing the ledge with a bunch of 10-12 shaven heads we enjoyed the breeze, the view and the beautiful sunset. It was for me, the moment of the trip.

Satiated, we drove back to the hotel. Enjoyed a dip in the pool, freshened up and headed out to Britto's. Britto's is a dimly lit restaurant right next to the beach with small handicraft shops around it. Just to my taste. Sadly, the food was'nt. Not their fault really. The place is known for sea food and I am a veggie. The SA's duly gorged and made merry.

Stuffed, we headed out and were ready to hit the hip party circuit. First, we went to Club Cabana (CC)- the most happening place in town. The entry to the compound of CC is scarier than Frankenstein's house. We rolled up the windows, locked the doors, said a prayer and drove in. Turns out, the place had been sealed due to use of banned substances (read grass et al) and is shut till further notice. Desolate, we tried other places. Out "stag" status caught up with us again.

After a while of driving, waiting, hankering, group approaching, we found ourselves inside Paradiso. To enter, along with the entry fee, we had to pay "stag tax". However, it did not matter coz the daaru was unlimited, babes were drunk, music was good and the setting of the club was awesome (its located at the ledge of a cliff). The three of us got happy and drunk and danced till the wee hours of the morning. (smoochy - thanks for insisting that we do it!!)

Got back at 5 AM to our hotel and crashed. It had been a long, eventful, tiring and amazingly satisfying day.

The next day we did nothing. But that was exactly how we wanted to spend the day. I had activity oriented plans of flying a kite, mobilising a volleyball team but they never took off. Thank god!! Went to Candolin beach, just walked around, lounged in a shack, played a couple of racks of pool and had lunch atop a shack. It was easily one of the most enjoyable lunches I have ever had. And it was not because of the food. The ingredients to that lunch were good pals, a terrific view of sun sea sand, talk about the most arbit of things and the waiter asking me "Sir, aap kisi serial mein kaam karte hain" (albeit, in a different shack) . Perfect end to a perfect trip.

I realise I have run out of superlative adjectives for the trip so I should end the post.

I also realise that the post is long. But that is exactly how I wanted it. Capture all details. Cheers.

PS: Tushi, Mazaa aaya kya?!

Ghoom ke aaya GOA, mera naam Rocky Balboa!!

The title of the post has no hidden meanings, no double entendres, no subtle under text - its plain and simple arbit. So was the trip arbit too.. Lemme see...

Goa of my imaginations stood for sandy beaches with topless sunbathing women. The beaches are sandy all right but the top less women were all covered up. Sigh!!!

Goa for me stood for overload of daaru at the rave parties happening at the beaches. Overload of alcohol happened of course (overload of a lot of things happened) but the rave parties have moved from beaches of goa to somewhere I dont know about.

Goa to me was the country of hajjar pubs and discs with all night partying. The pubs are there al right but their doors are closed for stags like me. (they dont know what they missed!!)

With all the buts - did I have any fun.

But of course.

The trip seemed like jinxed right from the start.

To begin with, just when I was starting to get ready to go to the airport - I got a message tha my flight was delayed by 5 hours. Being a loyal Air deccan frequent flyer, I was aware of all their schemes and knew that this was'nt the whole truth. I knew instinctively, that there will be more delays after this. So, I immediately got on the phone with the Deccan airport manager. I cribbed, I cried, I shouted, , I reasoned, I begged, I praised deccan to the moon and Vijay mallaya all the way to Pluto, I even invoked god and by the end of it all - got my self on a Kingfisher flight bound for Goa (scheduled for departure 10 mins before my Deccan flight). I thought - I had accomplished the impossible and that it was a good omen. Little did I know....

Got to Goa and re unioned with my two pals, Tush and Smoochy. The ride from the airport was good for eyes (very scenic) and ears (intellectually stimulating. Topics discussed - New chicks in the office, smoochy's exploits in singapore, party scene in bangalore, etc etc)

An hour and a half later, we got to Calangute and met the person who was arranging our acco. He showed us the rooms. While, the other 2 were Ok with it, yours truly wanted to look around. Why - coz this is not exactly peak season, there is a good place across the road, did not want to take the first thing available. All logical, correct. Wrong!!!! Coz two hours later, we were still looking.

Finally and believe me that finally comes with a big sigh of relief - Finaaaaally, we found a room. we settled in. Tush stripped down to bare minimums (giving Anil Kapoor a complex) to freshen up and we (me and smoochy, not tush) crashed on the bed. Beep. I got a message. 'Your air deccan flight is delayed and will now leave an hour later'. Dudes - was I lucky or was I lucky.

Strategic decisions like Car/bike to rent, plan for the night and tomorrow were discussed and settled. The four of us freshened up and moved out to get some (if you know what I mean). Four?? Ya, I know - we were three to begin with. Picked up the fourth guy somewhere on the way from airport to town. He got into my head, started hammering like there was no tomorrow and gave me the worst headache of my life. You will say, so what - its just a headache. Aah, you gotta get it to believe it.

We enjoyed a beer at the beach where my phone went beep again. It said - You are a lucky dog to get on the KF flight coz your deccan flight is delayed by another couple of hours. Dinner was at some place serving continental, indian, chinese, italian and sea food. Hmmm.. with all the variety - we took 10 mins to order.

Feeling all fuelled up - we headed to the most happening joint - Tito's. We were ready and raring to go but if ever there was a bigger anticlimax. "Sorry, only couples allowed". With headache in my , where else, head - the evening became a blur getting kicked from one joint to another.

By the time the evening ended, we knew the bouncers at all major discs by first name, Tush proved that he could drive in the dark, I demonstrated how a six foot tall guy can sleep on the back seat of a maruti zen, smoochy had used up all expletives to describe the party scene of goa (for stags), we had been to a disc where there were more 'pick ups' than there were ppl to pick up the 'pick ups' (no, we did not pick up anyone) and my phone did not go BEEP.

All the party animals flying by Air deccan were finally in Goa. Tomorrow, should be a better day!! With that thought, we played cards, I lost some money and slept with two snoring asses.

Coming soon - Day 2: Things could not have been better!!

Formatting fug ups

I am facing some problems with getting the formatting right for my blog posts. Specifically, in my previous post - you will see that that there are no line breaks. Now, believe me - I like to be customer friendly. I want to make your experience on this blog super amazing. I am deeply honored that you take out the time to visit this page on a regular basis (now this is addressed to no one am sure).

And believe me (again), that I tried to insert line breaks not once, not twice but a zillion times but blogger just wont let me. I have tried clearing the cache but its still not working. If anyone has any idea, please do drop a line. Cheers

Update - As you can see, I can insert a line break in this one but still cant in the old one. Why is blogger being so unkind to me? Why oh Why!!!

Cough Parade

I have had a cough for the last 8 days now. A lot has changed in that period.

To start with, my salary. Has gone up but not enough to take you all out to a five star and treat you to buckets full of wine and high calorie food. No, thank you very much. But ask for a good night out at my place with exotic Italian food (read pizzas) and super exotic Russian drink (read Vodka), and I will think about it. Heck, I will even let you guys win a little when we play cards.

Also, my status. After getting engaged and burdened and all with responsibility - I got a brief respite. Tum left the city and went to Delhi for her trousseau shopping. So, from quasi-married I had become fraud-bachelor. But, as they say - all good things come to an end. Now that she is back, so has the fraud bachelor period. Bo hoooo

My "never been to Goa" status. In this world there are only two kinds of people. The ones who have been to Goa and ones who have not. Well, that changed last weekend when I finally visited the holy beaches where sun bathing topless, drinking like a fish (even when you have cough) and dancing like crazy are the sacrifices you have to make to achieve nirvana. Believe me, I tried hard. Since, I have not been nirvanaed, I guess I will have to try again. New year weekend - maybe :)

The diagnosis of my cough. It was diagnosed as plain allergy, then re diagnosed as flu cough and the current status is some form of bronchitis. The one thing that has remained constant is the constant coughing which miraculously went away while I was having super chilled away but returned soon after. Maybe, its a sign from god - Keep beering. Ok God - Hic!!

You must be wondering about the title of the post. Last night on the way back in the train - in my bay out of 8 people, 4 were coughing. The influence of Job (my friend) showed up and I instantly named the situation Cuffe parade. Having spent so many weekends in his PJed company, this had to happen.

PS: Watch out for a full blown post on my version of goa trip. The reality could of course be very different.